Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
