Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
