Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
