I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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