if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize