Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
