It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
