Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
