she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize