Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
