Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
