he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
