Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
