So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
