i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize