Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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