I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
