Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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