the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
