Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
