Do you still have your period?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
