Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
