we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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