Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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