Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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