What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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