The maid of honor just puked.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
