Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
