Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
