I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
