Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
