You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
