Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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