when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
