it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
