Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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