sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize