I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
