the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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