So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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