She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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