After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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