Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
