4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
