Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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