at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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