What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
