I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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