I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
