U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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