I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
