Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
