Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
