Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
