I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
