"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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