the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
