I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
