i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
