If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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