Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize