Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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