there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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