its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize