If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
