There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
