you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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