I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
