guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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