He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
