Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Enjoy the penises
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
