You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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