Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize