You really coming over, don't trick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
