a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
