Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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