I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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