We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
