You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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