I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
