hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
