I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
