my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
