You can't motorboat a personality
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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