i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
