You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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