Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
FUCK WHALES
Randomize